Please forgive me...i can't stop loving you!

He has been my best confidant. He held me together and helped me maintain my composure when I was in the verge of falling from the cliff. The countless number of nights when we have stayed awake talking over the phone are treasured in my memory box. While tampering with the delicate phone wires in my fingers, I have shared with him my innermost thoughts and deep inside I had an assurance that he is the soul I can trust on blindly. We have known each others for years, but the rapport we both shared with each other was getting stronger day by day.
While the dawn was breaking in the sky, he told me stories about his new crushes while I made fun of it at times and jogged past him. Being a slow jogger, he tried his best to get hold of me and take his revenge but he always failed…..
Recently things changed and things took a U turn in my life. Suddenly I started feeling jealous of the girls he was dating. The possessiveness I had for him grew stronger day by day. If he made any conversations with my fellow mates, my face used to turn red because of anger. For the twenty years of my life, these were the emotions I was emoting for the first time and I was not well acquainted with the reason for doing so. I started to look for reasons so that we could spend quality time together. The moment he looked into my eyes I shied away from him. From being the strongest person, I had started becoming the weakest person now. I really didn’t know what to do, spending less time with him seemed to be an ideal option but if I did so it became unbearable to bear the pain within.
The day spent without passing a quick glance at his direction, made my day worse and day by day I started becoming temperamental. Is this me? I asked my self yet the question remained unanswered. I discussed this issue with one of my closest pal and she said “girl you have fallen for him haven’t you? You’re having a crush on him!” she said with a child like grin pasted firmly on her face. Though deep inside I found my self nodding positively to the statement she made. There were too many unknown emotions I was experiencing but I knew I had to stop before it was too late, but how?
That night I sat at the corner of my bed while my computer screeched “please forgive me” by bryan adams but here I was, undeniably experiencing the strongest feelings of all times. Practically I stayed awake all night long, brooding unconsciously to find an ideal way to get over this feeling quickly and somehow I managed to get the ideal solution to my problem.
From the next day onwards I started camouflaging my real feelings for him and acted in the same manner as his best friend acted with him usually. We both shared the same friend circle, so it became important for me to find new friends and hence, I started mingling with the unknown faces as well. I started giving him excuses when he made plans during the weekends because the less time we spent together, it gave me ample time to get hold of feelings. But noticing this sudden change in me, he finally asked “are you ok?”
I looked at him quietly and stared blankly at his face like a love struck teenager, the moment I gazed into his eyes the world around me seemed to revolve in the opposite direction. I tried to say something and was trying to find the right words to utter something yet I failed. Suddenly, I hugged him and cried. Being a matured guy, he understood, I had kept quite yet my tears confronted the feelings I had for him. He hugged me in his wide arms and said “don’t cry sweetie it happens! Don’t cry it makes you look more idiotic!” I grinned like a stupid kid but all I knew was that i had not lost anything, instead there was quite a lot to share between us and it was nothing more important than our friendship….
Two weeks have passed since this happened, it is true I have gotten over my crush and having a crush on him hasn’t stopped me from loving him. Instead it has made me love him more than ever……..



Pooja Choudhury